The Doctor Is In
by Kylrane
Summary: Vince is ordering all the WWE superstars to seek psychiatric help. By some strange chance, I've decided to pursue psychology. Here we go again. *Chapter 9 up! Read and review, people!! You know you want to!!* ^_^
1. Looney and Limber

Disclaimer: I don't own the WWE. I don't own skittles. I own some skittles, but not all skittles. I wish I did. I wouldn't keep running out. I'm not an acutal psychiatrist. I haven't even decided what I'll be if I ever grow up.  
  
Hey? Remember me? I wrote "Until Daddy Comes Back", that fic with wrestlers having to babysit a fourteen year old that definitely DOES NOT need a baby sitter. I need a chauffer. Anyway, go and read it if you like this one! This may suck. This may really suck. I'm sorry if it does. Please review!!!  
  
  
  
[A girl is seen hanging up a sign. She's wearing jeans and a T-shirt that says "Fed Up". She steps back from the door where she was putting up the sign, smiles, and walks into the office behind the door. The sign says 'Doctor Is In'.  
  
She sits down at her desk, and opens up a laptop. A little schedule program has the words "Mr. Mohndeynite; 2:00" on it. The girl minimizes the schedule and starts a game of solitaire. Her watch beeps, signifying that the time is 2:00.  
  
There's a knock on the door.]  
  
Girl: Come in.  
  
[A man -or woman, can't really tell- in a trench coat, sunglasses, and a big hat walks in. The girl sees this person has a muscular build.]  
  
Girl: ...Mr. Mohndeynite?  
  
Mr. Mohndeynite: Yes. Are you...  
  
Girl: The psychiatrist? Yes. Dr. Kylrane. You may sit over in the red chair. [She motions towards a big red recliner. The man sits down and removes the coat and hat.] Ah, as I thought. You should come up with a more creative name, Mr. Van Dam.  
  
RVD: [takes off his sunglasses] What can I say, Doctor? I'm [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam! Any fake name's cool if you're [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam!  
  
Kylrane: ...That's nice. Ahem...now, why do you feel you needed to see me?  
  
RVD: Vince McMahon ordered all of us to go see a shrink. You were on the list.  
  
Kylrane: Really? That's all? Damn. I hoped you people might have some blackmail worthy shit hidden away or something...  
  
RVD: I know we've never met, but I feel like I know you.  
  
Kylrane: [grins evilly] Locker room talk about some brat? Was it Booker T, Nowinski, or...nah, Kane wouldn't do that. Jeff neither, I gave him my skittles...  
  
RVD: Huh? What...wait a minute...don't tell me, I KNOW THIS ONE!...You're the kid who Vince was sending wrestlers to baby sit!!  
  
Kylrane: Well, yeah. I'm amazed you figured it out. I underestimated you. [opens laptop, and starts playing solitaire again]  
  
RVD: [whines] C'mon! I want to have a real...uh...you know...doctor me! Be a shrink! Show me the papers with the black all over it so I can say what I think it is!  
  
Kylrane: [doesn't look up] You mean you want to see ink blots?  
  
RVD: I want the whole shrink experience!!  
  
Kylrane: You actually want a psychological evaluation. You're kidding me, right?  
  
RVD: No. I'm [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam!  
  
Kylrane: [thinks silently for a few minutes] Hm...are you currently high?  
  
RVD: I'm on a sugar high. I ate five packs of Sweet and Low on the way here.  
  
Kylrane: [shrugs] My brother does that. I'm used to it. But how come you're not bouncing off the walls?  
  
RVD: I'm cool, calm and collected! Remember, I'm-  
  
Kylrane: [interrupts] I know, I know! You're [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam. Just...uh...hey, do a split. Then I'll start the session.  
  
RVD: That's cool. Everything's cool when-  
  
Kylrane: SHUT UP AND DO THE DAMN SPLIT!  
  
RVD: Ok. [Jumps off of the chair and lands in a split on the floor.] Easy! Now lets do the psycho-ology stuff.  
  
Kylrane: My friend calls it that. Psycho-ology. Makes me wonder if he's high too. Anyway...[takes out ink blots] What does this look like?  
  
RVD: [stares hard, squints, etc] I can't see clearly. It's all blurry. It just looks like a big black blob.  
  
Kylrane: [flips the ink blot to look at it, and then turns it back to RVD] It IS a big black blob.  
  
RVD: No, seriously! Even your face is blurry.  
  
Kylrane: [studies RVD for a minute] Don't you wear glasses?  
  
RVD: Yeah.  
  
Kylrane: That's the problem.  
  
RVD: Well, what can we do other than the black blobs?  
  
Kylrane: [Reaches into her pocket and takes out a bag of skittles. She opens the bag and retrieves a green one.] Ah, my favorite. [She pops it into her mouth and relaxes.]  
  
RVD: What was that for?  
  
Kylrane: I'm assuming you're always calm due to what ever the hell you've been smoking. I calm down by eating skittles. [Takes out another one.] Bleah. Grape. [Holds it out to RVD] Want it?  
  
RVD: [shakes his head] Can we please do some psychology stuff?  
  
Kylrane: [gulps down the candy] Describe your childhood.  
  
RVD: Ok. Um...well, I was a dorky kid in a little town in Michigan.  
  
Kylrane: Don't tell me you grew up in Detroit! Detroit is so cool!  
  
RVD: Battle Creek.  
  
Kylrane: [loses excitement] Oh. I think I heard about that town in my American History classes...  
  
RVD: It's known for cereal. Anyway, I liked jumping off stuff. I'd jump off the boat, jump off the diving board, jump off the roof, jump off the teacher, jump off the desk, jump off the...  
  
Kylrane: [is typing as he's talking] So you've pretty much enjoyed...jumping off of stuff your whole life?  
  
RVD: Yeah. Sometimes, I'd pick up the teacher and throw her around.  
  
Kylrane: Damn. Didn't you like...get detention?  
  
RVD: Suspension. Anyway, I started getting into the martial arts. So I incorporated some of those elements from my childhood into my career today.  
  
Kylrane: That's it?  
  
RVD: What did you expect?  
  
Kylrane: Do you do drugs?  
  
RVD: No. I take HAPPY PILLS!!!  
  
Kylrane: ...I'm not even going to delve further.  
  
RVD: Wha?  
  
Kylrane: Nevermind. Um...how'd you come up with the thumb thing. You know. [Does the thumb thing] R-V-D?  
  
RVD: Oh! Well, I just like pointing to myself with my thumbs.  
  
Kylrane: [Types in more stuff. Her fingers fly to the letters I-N-S-A-N-E] One more question, and you can go. I'm not perverted or anything, my dad was laughing like a lunatic one night and pointed this out to me. [She turns red. It's that feeling like you know you'll get in trouble if you ask the question but you have to ask it anyway. She takes a deep breath.] Why do you sweat from your ass during matches?? My dad said there's always a wet spot there in your tights...damn that's embarrassing.  
  
RVD: [shrugs] That's ok. I've been asked that. It's cool, when you're [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam!  
  
Kylrane: So you know you've got this problem?  
  
RVD: Yeah. It's because I do high kicks and flying stunts. Stuff like that makes me sweat there. It does happen to other people.  
  
Kylrane: [At the mention of "other people", Kylrane gets excited. Her hands are prepared to type out any information.] OOH! WHO? WHO?  
  
RVD: Just...other people. It doesn't show as much for them because my tights are made out of a different material than the usual.  
  
Kylrane: Can't you tell me?  
  
RVD: Then I'd have to kill you.  
  
Kylrane: Aww, damnit. Oh well. That was fun, wasn't it?  
  
RVD: I guess. [He gets up and starts putting on his trench coat.]  
  
Kylrane: Why do you wear that?  
  
RVD: So people don't know I'm going to a shrink.  
  
Kylrane: [pouts] Now I'm hurt.  
  
RVD: No you're not.  
  
Kylrane: Ok, I'm not. Bye, and could you refer me to the other wrestlers?  
  
RVD: Yeah, sure! It's cool when you're [thumb thing] RVD!  
  
Kylrane: Right...[Closes door after he leaves] Damn, why the hell did I become a psychiatrist?! I should have gone with the business thing like daddy...  
  
[She sits down at the desk and opens a drawer. It's full of skittles. She gets a handful and stuffs it into her mouth.]  
  
Kylrane: Wewax. Wewax. [Translation: Relax. Relax. She goes to door, and turns the sign over. It reads "Doctor Is Out"]  
  
  
  
  
  
Sorry if that was REALLY REALLY bad. Review if you want. If people like it, I think I'll continue. It's just an idea that's been floating around in my twisted mind. :) 


	2. Vertically Challenged

Disclaimer: I am not Vince McMahon. If I was, Vince McMahon would be searching for Orlando Bloom right now. I am also not a psychiatrist. I'm the one who's nuts. Also, I don't own Shakespeare and the made easy series. Don't want to, I'm reading that for English class.  
  
2-2-03 Space Shuttle Columbia. Rest in peace. Always remember.  
  
ARGHH!! I hate school projects. They take away SO much time from updating! :) I still try, I still try. I've got to maintain good grades if I want to remain the top of the class...I'm not bragging!! I just want to say I'm under pressure when all I want to do is write!!! WAHH....  
  
I've been saving the next victim, uh, patient, for this fic. Hope you enjoy! Someone get me another bag of skittles!!!  
  
  
  
[Kylrane's rocking the office chair she's sitting at. She's got a copy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet-made easy in her hand.]  
  
Kylrane: [reading Mercutio] ...And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit as maids call medlars when they laugh alone...what the fuck?! Shit...[reads the 'made easy' part] ...Now Romeo whill sit beneath a medlar rose tree, wishing his girl friend was a medlar fruit, which girls make secret jokes about because the look so sexy?!?! HUH?! Damn the dork who did the modern english translation...  
  
[She closes the book and looks to her laptop. It's blinking a window that reminds Kylrane that a Mr. Zorro will be arriving in a minute.]  
  
Kylrane: Hmph. Zorro. Unique aliases people come up with...  
  
[Suddenly, a weirdo flies out of a hole that appears in her floor. Kylrane is startled and falls out of her chair.]  
  
Kylrane: AUGHHH!!! [breaths hard] What the hell was that?!?!  
  
Patient: Yo, are you ok?  
  
Kylrane: [Looks up into the face...erm, MASK of Rey Mysterio.] Shit! You made a fucking hole in my floor!!!  
  
Rey: It's gone now. See? [Points to the floor. The carpet looks as if nothing ever happened.]  
  
Kylrane: [oogles at the floor] Damn. At least I won't be paying for damages and stuff like that. [Looks at Rey] Why did you make your appointment as Zorro?  
  
Rey: Zorro's a masked hero, much like myself!  
  
Kylrane: ...Okie dokie then. Have a seat over there. [Motions to big red recliner. Gee, it sounds like I'm referring to Kane. Big Red Recliner.]  
  
Rey: [sits] So, where should we start?  
  
Kylrane: I'll just ask some questions, and I want you to answer me with whatever comes to your mind first. Don't hesitate, ok?  
  
Rey: Ok.  
  
Kylrane: What's the color of the sky?  
  
Rey: Blue.  
  
Kylrane: What's the color of your shirt?  
  
Rey: [looks down] Black.  
  
Kylrane: What's your name?  
  
Rey: [thinks for a moment] Rey Mysterio.  
  
Kylrane: What's your favorite number?  
  
Rey: 619.  
  
Kylrane: What's your actual height?  
  
Rey: 5'4". [realizes what he's said] Uh, I mean...  
  
Kylrane: I KNEW they were lying on that website!!!  
  
Rey: [gets teary] I hate that they make such a big deal that I'm short. I ADMIT IT!! I'M SHORT, OK?!?! [starts sobbing]  
  
Kylrane: [offers tissue box to Rey] Do you realize that Kurt Angle and everyone else who makes comments about your height aren't as charismatic as you? Those "tall people" don't have as many fans as you, and they don't have your high flying skills.  
  
Rey: Really? Do you mean that?  
  
Kylrane: [holding back sarcasm] ...Yeah!! Eh...  
  
Rey: Someone loves me!  
  
Kylrane: Now I'm going to be sarcastic. You're going to me, a shrink, telling me your problems expecting a solution. What the hell am I supposed to tell you? Yeah, you're a shorty and you'll never succeed in life?! You're paying me! Of course I'll compliment you.  
  
Rey: [not fully understanding]...but I'm still better than Kurt Angle and everyone, right? I'm the best, right?  
  
Kylrane: [pats him on the shoulder reassurringly] Of COURSE you're the best. [types in laptop 'height and self confidence issues'] So, Rey, why do you wear a mask all the time? Doesn't it like get sweaty in there?  
  
Rey: [proudly] This mask is a great tradition among wrestlers of Latin heritage. [I don't really know much about the mask, so...bear with me. I'm making stuff up off of the top of my head.] I'm the Mystery King, and my mask keeps my identity a secret from everyone. Plus, I have bad acne.  
  
Kylrane: My dermatologist gave me some benzol peroxide cream and it cleared my face up. The mask makes you sweat, and probably aggravates your pores. So maybe you should ask the doctor about that...  
  
Rey: Ok, I will. Anything else we could do?  
  
Kylrane: What the hell do you mean by that? You want to go jump through hoops or something?  
  
Rey: No, the shrink stuff.  
  
Kylrane: I don't know, I've got to study for Spanish class tomorrow or else I'll fail...It's hard cheating, I've never done it before...  
  
Rey: [grins] Now that's something I'm good at!! Como estas?  
  
Voice: Yo quiero chocolate.  
  
Kylrane: Huh?  
  
Voice: Yo quiero chocolate. [I hope I'm not spelling this wrong!!]  
  
Rey: You want some chocolate?  
  
Kylrane: That's not me..  
  
Voice: Yo quiero chocolate.  
  
Kylrane: [realizes who's saying that] Monkey, you ass, what the hell?!  
  
Monkey: Yo quiero chocolate.  
  
Kylrane: [Gets up and looks for Monkey. Monkey is hiding under a chair, and jumps on top of the big red recliner.] HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET INTO MY OFFICE?!?!  
  
Monkey: YO QUIERO CHOCOLATE!!  
  
Kylrane: [angry] I am SO going to get Romeo [a friend] to kick your ass!!!  
  
Monkey: Yeah right, like he'd- [The recliner suddenly drops down, the floor and chair hanging by a hinge. Monkey falls down a trapdoor and his scream is heard for several minutes until it fades away.]  
  
Rey: Holy shit. [Stares at Kylrane. Her hand is on a lever that has been pushed down.]  
  
Kylrane: Knew that would come in handy. [looks at her watch] Oh, look, time for you to go. See you.  
  
Rey: Um, ok. [The hole in the floor reappears and he jumps in.]  
  
Kylrane: Memo to self. Kill Monkey.  
  
  
  
  
  
Sorry if that was lame...I'm stressed. Science project, essay on peace, and essay on smoking due...WAH. Please Review, it makes me feel good...=P I write for you guys!!! 


	3. Psychotic Grins

Disclaimer: Hey, my last name isn't McMahon. So don't look at me when you need to sue the WWE. I'm no psychiatrist either, so don't ask for my prognosis!  
  
You know something? I like reviews.  
  
I so feel like I've been screwed over when I watched February 10th's Raw. FIRE BISCHOFF ALREADY!!! Although Vince dancing and singing was funny. Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, good bye!!!! LOL  
  
C'mon. This one HAD to be coming. Think about it.  
  
[Kylrane is seen pushing a big bag into her office. She's got a grin on her face.]  
  
Kylrane: YES! My supply will NEVER run out with this!!! Mwahaha! Now I can last through all those assignments.[Pulls the plastic bag off to reveal...] AN ECONOMY SIZE BAG OF SKITTLES!!! YEAHH!!! [hugs skittles] Now I should be able to get through those assignments. Funny how I find this the week before I have winter break...oh well. [She prepares to tear into the huge bag but the speaker crackles]  
  
Speaker: Yo, Kylrane!!  
  
Kylrane: What?! [takes one last look at the skittles and goes over to the desk] Damnit, Monkey, this better be good!!!  
  
Speaker: You made me your fucking secretary, and the only pay I get is chocolate! Damn right this is good! Your client patient crazy people are here to see you!  
  
Kylrane: Well, send them up, dumbass! And if you DARE start using those staplers in flamenco dancing....  
  
Speaker: Oh, don't worry, I brought my own. [Clicky noises are being made in the background. He shuts off the speaker thing.]  
  
Kylrane: [shakes head] Whatever. [She sits down in the chair and opens up her laptop. The schedule blinks "Mr. and Ms. Psychopath". Kylrane stares.] At least they're honest...[looks toward the speaker] and I've been around my share of psychopaths...  
  
[The door is kicked open, and two people walk in. They aren't wearing disguises, and Kylrane is in semi shock.]  
  
Kylrane: Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. [Ducks under the desk.]  
  
Steven Richards: [hugs Victoria's waist] Want me to go fetch her out of the desk myself, sweetie?  
  
Victoria: [grinning insanely as she always does] I can do it myself Steven. [Marches over to the desk and overturns it. Kylrane looks up wide eyed.]  
  
Kylrane: Hi. [Slowly, she gets up and reaches for her laptop. She's shaking in fear.] Uh...why...why did you...eh...turn over the....  
  
Victoria: [wrings hands] IT WAS FUN!!!  
  
Kylrane: [shrinks back] Ok, good enough! [Edges towards the doorway] How about I get you guys some mineral water or coke or something??  
  
Steven Richards: I want some pink lemonade.  
  
Kylrane: GREAT! [She bolts out the door. Kylrane runs down the stairs and hops over Monkey's desk.]  
  
Monkey: WHAT THE HELL?!  
  
Kylrane: Those patients are nuts! And scary! Go do something!  
  
Monkey: Why me?! You're the shrink!  
  
Kylrane: You're the dumb guy who does anything anyone asks!!  
  
Monkey: No, that would be Haxor.  
  
Kylrane: SHUTUP AND DO SOMETHING!  
  
Monkey: I know they're psychos! I can't go up there!  
  
Kylrane: [smacks Monkey] Fine you jackass!!! [Ducks under desk and takes out her cell phone. She dials Shawn Michaels.]  
  
Shawn: Hello? The SHOW STOPPA here!!  
  
Kylrane: Could you PLEASE come here and take care of a problem I have?! Victoria and Steven Richards are here and they're gonna hurt me!!! I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!  
  
Shawn: They won't hurt you. They don't murder.  
  
Kylrane: I know that, but Victoria's grinning and Steven Richards'...Richardsness...WILL DRIVE ME INSANE!!! [hears cackling from the office] Oh no! She's starting the evil laugh! Save me!!  
  
Shawn: Look kid, I don't have time for this...  
  
Kylrane: Don't you tell me you can't make time for ME! How DARE you! I can get your...wait a minute...nevermind, that's the other fic. Look, I need a miracle to happen right NOW or else I MYSELF WILL RAISE SOME HELL!!! And you definitely do not want that, ok?!  
  
Shawn: [sighs] Fine, kid! Just this once! But then you've got to look yourself in the mirror, think hard, and say to yourself 'I can do things for myself and I don't have to rely on anyone-  
  
Kylrane: I'm a shrink, damnit! That's the kind of stuff I tell my patients! But do you really think I can take on two wrestlers right now?! I play mind games, but I don't fight with fire!! Get your preaching self over here before they find me!!! [hangs up on him]  
  
Monkey: Could you please get out from under the desk, I need to put some gum under there!!  
  
Kylrane: [looks up and shreiks] AUGHH!! [crawls out of there, grabbing her hair] If there is some winterfresh gum in my hair I promise you will wake up tomorrow with my picture STAPLED TO YOUR FOREHEAD!!!!!!  
  
Monkey: There's nothing in your hair, chill!  
  
[Shawn Michaels bursts through the front door of the office.]  
  
Shawn: Ok, where are those psychos? I want to get this damn thing over with as soon as possible.  
  
Kylrane and Monkey: [silently point up the stairs]  
  
[Shawn goes up the stairs. Minutes later, Shawn drags out Steven Richards.]  
  
Kylrane: What about the psycho bitch?!  
  
Shawn: I can't hit a female! It's wrong!  
  
Kylrane: [rolls her eyes] Back me up then, I'll go in there.  
  
Shawn: I don't think you should, you're a little young...  
  
Kylrane: [glares] Stop with the kid thing!! You've called me kid a few times and I said nothing!! Just come with me!! [Goes up the stairs]  
  
Victoria: What do you want, girlie? Lucky you're not a pretty little girl, I'd be attacking you.  
  
Kylrane: [extremely hurt] Oh, fuck it then, if you're going to say that!  
  
Victoria: [pushes Kylrane against the wall] Don't make me strangle you by your little throat, kid. What the hell did you want?  
  
Kylrane: [ducks under Victoria's arms and moves to the economy size bag of skittles] I just wanted to tell you something I thought you'd like to know, but since you've expressed disinterest in what I've got to say...[her eyes dart to the red recliner]  
  
Victoria: So you want to do the psychiatrist thing, huh? Fine! I'll sit down, you tell me whatever the hell you were going to tell me. [sits]  
  
Kylrane: Bingo. [She pulls the lever on the wall, which was behind the skittles bag. Victoria plunges down the hole.]  
  
Shawn: Damn.  
  
Kylrane: See? I didn't have to hit her either. I just made her fall into oblivion. MWAHAHAH!!!  
  
Monkey: [pops into the office] I didn't fall into oblivion.  
  
Kylrane: Shutup, I needed a slave. Plus you have to be Romeo in the last act of the play, so we need you alive. But remember Monkey, Romeo must die!!!  
  
Shawn: Well...ok...[looks around the office] You might want to straighten up around here kid.  
  
Kylrane: I AM NOT A KID!! I'M A DOCTOR, DAMNIT!!  
  
Shawn: Right. I'm going to be leaving now...[his music magically cues] I'm a sexy boy! [dances off]  
  
Hearts Desire: [runs after him] SHAWNY!!!!  
  
Kylrane: [staring] Ok...  
  
Monkey: Are you going to eat your skittles now?  
  
Kylrane: Go away you jackass! [Monkey runs away. Kylrane is sad.] Victoria said I'm not pretty!!! WAHH!!  
  
Trish Stratus: [pops up] Hey, I'm gorgeous but Victoria kicks the crap out of me all the damn time! Stick with being plain!  
  
Kylrane: [glares at her] Shutup bitch. [kicks her down the hole where Victoria fell] Well, at least I'm not dumb like her, falling for that. Hehe! I made a joke! FALLING for that...ok I'll shutup now. [tears open the bag of skittles and stickes her head in]  
  
Sorry if I insulted any Trish fans...there's this girl I REALLY don't like that reminds me of Trish so that's my way of getting back at her. DIE DIE DIE SLUT...Okie dokie...little bitter...hehehe! Hearts Desire had been begging for Shawn Michaels in this fic, so I let her go after him here...Oooh boy Valentine's Day is coming. I hate that day... 


	4. Identity Crisis, Dawg!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and I'm no psychiatrist, so there's no one to sue around here!  
  
A message to readers: I'm not yelling at anyone in particular, in fact, I have to go through this with my friends every once in a while about the original fiction I write. I have a sort of outline in my head of when, where, and why certain superstars will pop into a story. For example, I used Shawn Michaels in the last chapter because I've noticed he sort of preaches believing in yourself and things like that, which is similar to what I could imagine a psychiatrist saying. Because I saw that a reviewer was a Shawn Michaels fan, I put her in. I didn't put Shawn Michaels in because she wanted him there. I put him in because I needed him there. See the difference? Also, if I feel a requested superstar just can't fit into a story (ex: It's hard for me to make any Brock Lesnar jokes involving psychological problems except maybe his urge to jump around), they just won't be in it until I see something I can work with. I try my best to write with the reader's interests in mind, but I can't just act as a monkey puppet and write whatever the hell someone wants me to write. With patience and time, I will probably learn how to really entertain and please you guys. But for now, you've gotta settle with mediocre little me. :)  
  
Now all that's said and done, I forgot to apologize to all the Victoria fans about the psycho stuff last chapter. Maybe I forgot about that because I like her too, and I don't like Trish...whatever.  
  
All slang is being drawn from the phrases and conversations my rapper wannabe classmates use. Don't be offended, my friends can be morons.  
  
I talk a lot. Right? I'll shutup now.  
[Kylrane is busy fixing up her desk for her next appointment. There are nicks and scratches on the surface and corners, but it's still in pretty good condition. She's singing along to a Dashboard Confessional song, let's say 'Screaming Infidelities', and not really worried about her next client. How could it get any worse?]  
  
Speaker: Young lady, singing Depressed Guy songs don't suit you. Singing doesn't suit you.  
  
Kylrane: [stares] Shutup, I know I can't sing! And - huh? What? But...I...  
  
Speaker: But what? Wow, for once, you've got nothing to say!  
  
Kylrane: Shutup! Where the hell is Monkey, and who are you?!  
  
Speaker: MWAHAHA! So your little friend here is called Monkey? Well, I didn't think you'd recognize my voice, since we've never formally met, but you will come to fear my client and I very soon!  
  
Kylrane: Client?! ...Please don't tell me, please no.....  
  
Speaker: Kid, get used to Paul Heyman ruling your petty little world, because the Big Show WILL reign supreme champion of the WWE!!  
  
Kylrane: [looks up at the heavens] What have I done to anger you so? [back to the speaker] Look you middle aged pot bellied ass pimple, get the hell out of my building THIS INSTANT!  
  
Speaker: I think not, child. You aren't exactly a threat to the Big Show, and you wouldn't want him messing up your little office, would you?  
  
Kylrane: [silently glares]  
  
Speaker: I knew you'd see it my way. Oh, joy, here comes your next victim, er, patient! Should I take him up now or give you a few minutes of panic?  
  
Kylrane: Asshole. Bring him up now.  
  
Speaker: Of course, little girl! [shuts off communication]  
  
Kylrane: [breathing deeply to calm down] How...dare...he!!!!! [Her hands hurl a paperweight across the room, which smashes upon impact. Still furious, she checks who her client is on her trusty laptop. It says a Mr. Yo will be arriving soon.] Mr. Yo. Might as well have been called Mr. Vanilla Ice, this is so obvious.  
  
[Paul Heyman bursts into the room with "Mr. Yo", and grins at Kylrane.]  
  
Heyman: Here's the doctor, sir, have a good time! I'll be downstairs screwing up your life, kid. [turns his back and starts to leave]  
  
Kylrane: [picks up another paperweight and hurls it at Heyman] Die you pig!!!! [It hits the door. Heyman had slammed it shut behind him.] DAMNIT!!!  
  
Mr. Yo: Cue the beat. [Beat starts. I warn you now, I cannot rap!]  
  
Listen little girl, that's not nice  
  
And I am no Vanilla Ice.  
  
So shut your mouth and open your ears  
  
Or I'll be da reason for all your fears!  
  
My name's John Cena, and I'm da best  
  
I see you're a kid so don't be a pest  
  
My game is wrestling, you can feel my heat  
  
Now start da doctorin' and stop the beat! [Beat stops]  
  
Kylrane: [Points to the red recliner] Sit. [Cena sits. Kylrane is speaking through gritted teeth.] What do you need to discuss? [Takes laptop and sits on the chair opposite the red recliner.]  
  
Cena: Ahem.  
  
Ain't nuthin wack here,  
  
So -  
  
Kylrane: DAMNIT TALK NORMALLY!!!!  
  
Cena: [stares] Dat yellin' ain't cool, dawg. Yo...[Listens for a moment. Dashboard Confessional's 'For You To Notice' is now playing.] Dis crappy sound is WACK! Wat shit is dis?!  
  
Kylrane: Hey! I like this guy, you just keep your little comments to yourself, I've got too much to deal with right now...[rubs forehead] Um, why did you decide to do this rapper gimmick??  
  
Cena: Gimmick? Dat shit ain't no gimmick! Dis is for REAL! I'm da real thing! I'm down wit you not understandin' wat I'm doin', you just a kid from the 'burbs. You don't no wat it like being gangsta! You from da 'burbs, right?  
  
Kylrane: [stares] If you really want to know, I'm more 'gangsta' than you will EVER be! I live in New York City! I grew up to the sounds of Jay-Z, 2pac, Biggie, Dre, Puffy, etc. blaring from the tenants' stereo upstairs!! But I don't act all ghetto like you, dumbass, I'm not meant to be like Eve or Missy Elliot. Do you have a freakin' identity crisis?  
  
Cena: [whimpers] ....YEA!!! [starts crying] Eminem is so cool and he has so many fans and people fear him so I figured if I started acting like him people would react to me the same way!!!  
  
Kylrane: But they don't. They think you're a jackass.  
  
Cena: [buries head in his hands. sniffs] I know, I know! They think I'm Vanilla Ice, not Eminem.  
  
Kylrane: You know why they compare you to Vanilla Ice? You changed your image. You aren't really from the streets. Be yourself damnit, even your 'bling bling' is outdated. [points to the gold plated medallion Cena wears]  
  
Cena: Then how will people like me?  
  
Kylrane: You don't have to be a face to gain respect, you dumbass. However, you've kinda dug yourself into a hole you can't get out of. [scratches head] Look, go to Vince McMahon for ideas, ok? I can't think that quickly. [takes out a bag of skittles and starts eating some] Go, be free, and here's your bill. [hands Cena a bill]  
  
Cena: [nearly chokes] $1500 for a twenty minute session?! Wassupwitdat?!  
  
Hurricane: [pops in] That's my line, get your own!! [gives Kylrane a Hurri- mask] Watch out, there's a Hurricane comin' through!! [gives a thumbs up and zooms down the stairs and out the front door]  
  
Kylrane: [stares at the Hurri-mask] OKIE DOKIE...by the way, that bill is to go DIRECTLY to Vince McMahon. It covers all the WWE clients I've seen so far plus damages caused by said clients. I'd be charging more, but...well, he's had to deal with you sickos from the beginning.  
  
Cena: Dat be true. Goodbye to you. [leaves]  
  
Kylrane: .....[remembers Heyman]....Still gotta take care of that Ugly Ugly Hippo...Shit. [idea light bulb turns on above her head] AH-HAH!!! Heyman, come up here instantly!! I need you to try out a chair I have...  
  
[Heyman comes up and sits on the red recliner. The lever behind the economy sized skittles bag is pulled and Heyman falls down the hole.  
  
Later, a truck mysteriously leaves a ranch in Texas. A big wooden box with a red ribbon on it is left by a house. A tall figure walks to the box cautiously and reads the tag to himself.  
  
"Undertaker-  
  
I think you'll enjoy this gift a bit more than the other one's you've received lately. It's not the Big Show, but it may satisfy you for now.  
  
The Doctor"  
  
Taker steps back from the package, wonders who The Doctor is, and opens the door to the box. He grins evilly.]  
  
Taker: Well, well, well. Looks like there ain't gonna be any singing from you, but I'll have a good time alright. [Heyman whimpers]  
Ok...sorry if that one sucked...things have been stressful with around the house even with me on vacation. *SIGH* I sure could use an economy size bag of skittles. I wish they had those...do they? I dunno. If there isn't, there should be!!! Anyway, please review! 


	5. The Kylrane Will See You Now, Jabroni!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and I haven't gone to college so I'm not a doctor.  
  
AHH! I admit, I do like suggestions because it means people are getting into the story! And those apologizing and slightly getting mad at me about the last chapter's note WEREN'T AT FAULT (I think you know who you are.). But there were certain things said that made me write what I wrote and if you read the reviews I think you'll know what I mean. I'm incredibly lucky to have such kind and loyal readers, and I know my stuff is successful when people ask for more. Ooh, I feel like such a jackass...someone hug me... [Jeff Hardy pops out of nowhere and hugs her] Well, I didn't exactly mean you, Jeffy, but hey, a hug's a hug! [Steven Richards is ready to hug her] You get the hell away from me...  
  
Before I continue with the story, I think I may have to up the rating due to language and stuff. Keep your eye out for changes, and maybe you should start viewing pages with the rating on 'all'.  
  
[Kylrane has her legs propped up on top of her desk, and is rocking her chair back and forth. On the phone with her is one stubborn Monkey.]  
  
Kylrane: What the hell do you mean, you quit?!  
  
Monkey: You didn't get thrown into a closet in the dark for three hours, ok?! That Heyman guy was fucking scary!  
  
Kylrane: I overestimated you. Monkey's really just a chicken. Come on, it was just a guy that talks too damn loud, how intimidating is he?!  
  
Monkey: He had the big hairy guy with him. The big hairy guy said if I didn't cooperate, we'd have to get better acquainted.  
  
Kylrane: You mean the Big Show?  
  
Monkey: No. The one they call A-Train. Should be the Ape.  
  
Kylrane: [shudders] Ooh, I feel almost sorry for you. Almost being the key word.  
  
Monkey: Well, I don't want your sympathy. I'm quitting and there's nothing you can do to stop me.  
  
Kylrane: But what about today's appointments?! I need to have someone here to bring in the patients.  
  
Monkey: That's your problem. [hangs up]  
  
Kylrane: [furious] DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!! [slams phone] Shit! What am I supposed to do now?! [checks laptop schedule] Oh NO!! The client is coming in ten minutes!! Who am I going to get to help me out...oh no oh no oh no....  
  
Rei: [pops out from nowhere] What happened? Did you delete the essay due next week??  
  
Kylrane: [eyes bulge out] THERE'S AN ESSAY DUE NEXT WEEK?!?!?!  
  
Rei: [grins] Psyche! [Kylrane is fuming] Hey, hey, hey, I came to try and help! You need someone at the desk today, right? [Kylrane nods] How about me and Haxor handle it today, and next time you hire some wrestler guy to do this?  
  
Kylrane: Like who?  
  
Rei: Like that girl who manages that guy...the one with the gimmick about Testicles.  
  
Kylrane: You mean Stacy Keibler?  
  
Rei: Yeah, get her.  
  
Kylrane: Ten bucks says if I have a client like Edge, she'll start dropping things so she can bend over in front of him.  
  
Rei: Well, damnit, you know these people better than I do!  
  
Kylrane: Just get Haxor over here, and later I'll find a permanent butler monkey.  
  
Rei: Monkey was your butler?  
  
Kyrlane: I wish. Anyway, get down to the desk! And if the guy from the Scorpion King comes in, bring him up immediately!!  
  
Rei: [scratches head] You mean Peter Facinelli?  
  
Kylrane: NO! THE ROCK, STUPID!!!!  
  
Rei: OHH!! [grins at Kylrane] I really thought you meant Peter Facinelli. [sees Kylrane is angry and runs down the stairs]  
  
Kylrane: [rubs forhead] Where's Jeff Hardy? I need another hug. [Steven Richards comes again] Not you, damnit!!! [Steven Richards scoots away] Maybe I'll make Jeff my butler monkey, I can get hugs on demand! [holds up a mirror] I am a good psychiatrist. I am a good psychiatrist. I am a good psychiatrist. [Jeff comes and hugs her] That's more like it!  
  
[The speaker on Kylrane's desk crackles]  
  
Speaker: Yo, Kyl, what the hell is this?!  
  
Kylrane: Yo, Haxor, don't call me Kyl. What do you mean by 'this'?  
  
Speaker: Why do me and Rei have to do Monkey's job?  
  
Kylrane: Rei volunteered you.  
  
Speaker: (Haxor) REI! WHY'D YOU DO THAT?! (Rei) I dunno.  
  
Kylrane: [sighs] I don't want to make Jeff keep running back and forth, but I need another hug. Not from you either, Haxor. [Edge comes and hugs Kylrane. He then hands her a bill.] TWENTY BUCKS A HUG?! WHAT THE HELL?!  
  
Edge: Hey, I'm in demand!  
  
Kyrlane: Jeff doesn't charge.  
  
Edge: Jeff's not in demand like me.  
  
Kylrane: That's not very nice. [hands him a twenty] Now go away before you find some other way to charge me. [Edge goes away]  
  
Speaker: (Rei) You're very popular. What's with all the hugs?  
  
Kylrane: They're like skittles. They calm me down and make me feel special.  
  
Speaker: (Haxor) I wanna feel special. Hug me, Rei. (Rei) Not in front of clients, damnit!! [speaker shuts off]  
  
[Kylrane panics and starts to scarf down some skittles. Haxor leads the next patient into the room.]  
  
Haxor: Dude, I touched someone worth a lot of money. [holds up his fingers] Wow...  
  
The Rock: [takes off his sunglasses and stares at Haxor] You get your candy ass outta my sight, you sick freak!  
  
[Haxor is hurt but scoots out of the office.]  
  
Kylrane: That wasn't very nice. Sure, Haxor's a weirdo, but...  
  
The Rock: Shut your mouth! The Rock doesn't need to know what you think!  
  
Kylrane: [glares] Well you're the first outright asshole I've had to treat!!  
  
The Rock: The Rock is NOT an asshole! The Rock ought to take his boot, shine it up real nice, and stick it straight up your-  
  
Kylrane: [points to the economy sized skittles bag] I'll do the same to you except I'll use that instead of the boot!! Now sit down and shut the hell up until I tell you to talk!!  
  
Chris Jericho: [pops in] That's my catchphrase, damnit!!  
  
The Rock: Stop trying to upstage The Rock, you wanna be rock star!! Get the hell out!  
  
Chris Jericho: Say that to my face, and you will NEVER EEEEEVVVVVVVEEEEEERRRRR be the same AGAIN!  
  
Kylrane: [rolls eyes] Ooh, look a battle of the old catchphrases. Words are stabbing me, and look! I'm melting, mellttttiiiinnnggg........  
  
Chris Jericho: WHAT?! You DARE mock the KING OF THE WORLD?!  
  
Austin: WHAT?!  
  
Kylrane: DAMNIT! [presses button on speaker] Can I get some freakin' security up here?!  
  
[Big Random Guys 1, 2, and 3 come and drag Jericho and Austin out of the office]  
  
Kylrane: Finally! [turns to The Rock] Sit down like I said.  
  
The Rock: The Rock does not take orders from some shrimpy little kid!! [sits down anyway]  
  
Kyrlane: [sits at a chair opposite the red recliner and opens up her laptop] Now, I see you've got a third person complex.  
  
The Rock: What in the blue hell do you mean, a third person complex?  
  
Kylrane: When a normal-  
  
The Rock: [cuts in] IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT MEANS!! The Rock is perfect! There is NOTHING WRONG with The Rock!  
  
Kylrane: Ok then...what is your name?  
  
The Rock: The Rock's name is The Rock, jabroni!!!!  
  
Kylrane: See what you've just said right there? 'The Rock's name'. Who are you?  
  
The Rock: [thinks Kylrane is stupid] The Rock!  
  
Kylrane: Then who is The Rock?  
  
The Rock: [opens his mouth, then shuts it] Mmmm....The Rock.  
  
Kylrane: That's what the third person complex is. You can't refer to yourself as yourself. You were ready to say "Me" but you answered "The Rock".  
  
The Rock: The Rock does not understand this load of bull crap.  
  
Kylrane: Ok, pretend your name is Bob, and I've just heard of Bob from a friend. If I say to you "Who is Bob?" what would you say?  
  
The Rock:...I am Bob?  
  
Kylrane: EXACTLY! Now why can't you say "I am The Rock"?  
  
The Rock: Because I'm Bob?  
  
Kylrane: ARGHH! [bangs head on desk] You're not Bob anymore! You're...uh...what was your birthname?  
  
The Rock: The Rock will not tell you his birthname.  
  
anime princess: [pops out a closet that's obviously being used as a storage area for more skittles] HIS NAME IS DWAYNE DOUGLOS JOHNSON!!!!! [closes the closet door]  
  
Kylrane: [surprised] Thank you....  
  
The Rock: THAT IS NOT THE ROCK'S NAME!!!  
  
Kylrane: Then whose name is that?  
  
The Rock: ....T.T [confused] That's....The Rock's name BEFORE he was The Rock!  
  
Kylrane: Ok. Repeat after me. "I Am Dwayne."  
  
The Rock: Ok...ahh...ahh..aeeehh...eehhh...[attempts are failing] ehh...ehheee...eeeeye...I..!! I said I!!!  
  
Kylrane: [annoyed] Complete the rest of the damn sentence, and you're free to go. You've given me such an awful headache...  
  
The Rock: Ok. I...AM.....DAMNIT! THE ROCK IS THE ROCK!!!  
  
Kylrane: DWAYNE DOUGLOS JOHNSON, you are not The Rock!!  
  
The Rock: Ask my millions and....[waits for the fans]  
  
anime princess and lol: AND MILLIONS!!!  
  
Kylrane: Actually, that's only two.  
  
The Rock: Damnit! The Rock doesn't have TIME for this crap!! Know your role, you short little jabroni, The Rock's a big movie star that's gotta beat up a guy that could be your grandpa!! The Rock is outta here!! [The Rock gets up and stomps out of the office.]  
  
Kylrane: At least he's out of here. [Goes into the closet to find a whole bunch of fans in there.] GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SKITTLES!!!!! [The fans run out of the closet and go back downstairs.]  
  
[Suddenly Paul Heyman bursts through the doors]  
  
Heyman: AUUUGGGHHHH!!!! [hides behind the desk]  
  
Kylrane: [kicks Heyman] What the fuck are you doing here?! I thought I gave you to the Undertaker!!!  
  
Heyman: Shutup and hide me!! That man is insane!! He'll kill me! I'm sure when you sent me to him all you meant was for me to gain fear of you!  
  
Kylrane: Actually, I just wanted you off my hands. Whatever the Undertaker wants to do with you is fine with me.  
  
[There's a huge bang sound. Where the door one was is now a hole in the shape of the Undertaker.]  
  
Taker: [is carrying the cute little doggie that was in the first box on February 20th's Smackdown] You've got to get bigger doors, kid.  
  
Kylrane: Hey, it's not my fault you're so damn tall. [points to Heyman] Take him, PLEASE!!  
  
Taker: [grabs Heyman by the collar] I ain't done with you yet, bitch. We gotta tie you to the back of the motorcycle and drag you around town.  
  
Heyman: [whimpers] You don't REALLY want to put another human being through that kind of stuff, do you?  
  
Taker: [pauses] No, I don't. Then again, you ain't no human being!! [kicks Heyman and stuffs him into a large sack] By the way, kid, how the hell did you know where I live?!  
  
Kylrane: I have connections.  
  
Taker: Don't ever come to my house.  
  
Kylrane: Ok.  
  
Taker: Oh yeah, here. [hands Kylrane the doggie] Take this, I can't have a dog in one arm and this bag of shit in the other. [His theme music magically cues and he walks out of the office. At the bottom of the staircase, he raises his fist up and there are cheap pops everywhere.]  
  
Kylrane: [amazed] That's a REALLY big hole. [looks at where the door once was] I think that's equivalent to two and a half me's.  
  
[Rei and Haxor come up to examine the damage]  
  
Rei: Damn.  
  
Haxor: Double damn. Well, looks like our job here is done.  
  
Kylrane: Huh?  
  
Haxor: You said at the beginning that we'd just handle the front desk for today.  
  
Kylrane: No, Rei said that. But I guess I can't make you stay...I'll figure out who I can con into being my secretary... [locks herself in the closet of skittles]  
  
Ok...that's the end of that chapter. Hope it was ok. I had anime princess and lol in that chapter because I saw that they requested The Rock in the story. I'd planned to attack his third person gimmick when I started the fic, but I didn't really know how to treat it...so I did the chapter that way. Sorry if it was weird. Review please!!! Reviews make me happy!!! And if you can't tell, I like hugs. :P 


	6. The Dysfunctional Daughter

Disclaimer: Do I have to keep putting these disclaimers in? I REALLY don't wanna get sued, but do I look like I'd be owning the WWE?? *confused blinky face* See? I'm no owner! Oh yeah, I'm no doctor either!!  
  
Did you people see Smackdown (February 27)? You know that Brian Kendrick guy, the dude who ran around naked wearing Nike Shox? *feeling stupid* I think he's cute...AHH!! *falls down* What the hell?! Oh, that was my split personality speaking, the one who's a fangirl. Pay no mind to her. Ahem. Onto the story...  
  
[Kylrane is rocking her chair back and forth, petting the little puppy the Undertaker gave her last chapter. She seems calm.]  
  
Kylrane: You like your neck scratched, don't you??  
  
Shannon Moore: Yeah I like my neck scratched! [comes over]  
  
Kylrane: [stares at him] I was talking to Ender, not you Shannon. Go on doing your work.  
  
Shannon: Yes, ma'am. [Goes to the front desk. Yes, Shannon Moore is now Kylrane's secretary. Hey, she's less controlling than Matt Hardy!]  
  
Kylrane: [shakes her head] Y'know, Ender, I'm rethinking my choice in employment, that Shannon seems a little...  
  
Shannon: You called, ma'am?? [brings her a cappucino]  
  
Kylrane: DAMN!! What the hell did Matt do to you?!  
  
Shannon: In private, I used to wear shirts that said 'I'm Matt's Bitch'.  
  
[Mourning Viper pops out]  
  
Mourning Viper: [hugs Shannon] EVIL MATT HARDY! EVIL!! [starts to drag him away]  
  
Kylrane: HEY! Give him back! I have a client coming in, damnit!! [pulls a magic leash that appears out of nowhere and is attached to Shannon's wrist] Why do fans keep appearing out of nowhere?! [Shannon falls on his back, Mourning Viper runs away] Shannon, get up and see who's coming today!!  
  
Shannon: Can I have a hug?  
  
Kylrane: [ogles] Why??  
  
Shannon: Matt used to give me hugs.  
  
Kylrane: [shrugs] Ok. I like hugs. [hugs Shannon] Now go get to the appointment book!!  
  
Shannon: [salutes] YES MA'AM! [runs off]  
  
[Kylrane continues to rock her chair back and forth and pet her puppy, Ender. Have you read the novel Ender's Game ? It's really good! Ender WILL save us all! Anways, Shannon hurries back up to the office.]  
  
Shannon: [breathless] It's Stephanie McMahon!!  
  
Kylrane: ALRIGHT! Stephanie's so cool!!  
  
Shannon: And she's hot!! [gets kicked by Kyrlane] OW!!  
  
Kylrane: You will NOT be hitting on my clients, Shannon.  
  
Shannon: I know. She's my boss anyway.  
  
Kylrane: I'm your boss now.  
  
Shannon: But I'm still Matt's bitch, right?  
  
Kylrane: [shakes head] No, Shannon. [sighs] Can you go make a pot of coffee to serve for Stephanie?  
  
Shannon: Already brewing, Ma'am.  
  
Kylrane: Stop calling me Ma'am.  
  
Shannon: Yes, Ma'--er, what do I call you then?  
  
Kylrane: Kyrlane. Not Kyl, not Rane, Kylrane.  
  
Shannon: How about Ranie?  
  
Kylrane: WHY?!  
  
Shannon: I used to call Matt Matty.  
  
Kylrane: You have issues. You REALLY have issues.  
  
Shannon: [shrugs] But you'll still love me, right Ranie? [sad puppy dog face]  
  
Kylrane: [glares] Only one person can do that to me effectively, Shannon. That isn't you. [Ender perks up] Not you either, boy. [Ender whimpers]  
  
Shannon: Oh yeah? Who?  
  
Kylrane: It doesn't matter.  
  
Shannon: I swear by my stringy oily hair that I will find out the answer to that at the end of the chapter. Can I have a hint?  
  
Kylrane: [shrugs] It ain't Edge. That's all I'm saying.  
  
Shannon: [points to Edge poster not very well hidden behind the giant skittles bag] Really? I thought you were into him.  
  
Kylrane: Not me. The other me.  
  
Shannon: HUH??  
  
[Stephanie McMahon bursts into the office. Shannon drools.]  
  
Stephanie: Wipe your chin, Shannon. [hands him a handkerchief]  
  
Shannon: [wipes chin] O_O Wow... [gets bonked on the head by a foam baseball bat]  
  
Kylrane: [puts away baseball bat] Can't seem to find my damn aluminum one...[to Stephanie] You may sit over there. [motions to seat] Shannon, stay here before you staple yourself or something...don't touch anything.  
  
Shannon: Ok. Ranie. [sucks thumb]  
  
Kylrane: Now Stephanie...you've got a really warped relationship family- wise.  
  
Stephanie: You could say that...but then again, growing up in the spotlight takes a toll on you. So what if I've got a dysfuntional family? Don't your parents have fidelity problems, or haven't you ever tried to take over your father's business?  
  
Kylrane: [stares] .... No. [snacks on some skittles] If my parents ever did have those issues, I think I would have found out, I'm good at eavesdropping. And as for the business thing...insurance is MAD BORING!! Why do you feel like you have to outdo everyone in your family??  
  
Stephanie: I'm a McMahon, damnit!  
  
Shannon: Wow you sound like Vince! [holds on to Kylrane's arm since Stephanie looks scary]  
  
Stephanie: THAT'S MR. MCMAHON TO YOU, VERMIN!!!  
  
Shannon: EEEEKKKK!! Save me!!! [cowers]  
  
Kylrane: WHOA....Stephanie, calm down, calm down! [pulls away from Shannon] Damnit, grow up you wuss!!! Go downstairs to the desk!! Go!! [points out the door]  
  
Shannon: [sad] You don't love me?  
  
Kylrane: I DON'T LOVE YOU!! GO DOWNSTAIRS!!! [a dejected Shannon walks out the door] Where were we? [looks at her notes on the computer] Oh yeah, what does being a McMahon have to do with trying to surpass everyone's achievements? Don't you think what you've done is good enough?  
  
Stephanie: Kid, when you're a McMahon, nothing's ever good enough. You've always gotta be better than anyone else. If I want to be at the top of the wrestling business, I've got to do whatever it takes to control as much of the WWE as I can while I'm young. And from now on, I'd prefer to achieve that without having to marry into more power.  
  
Triple H: [pops in] Yeah, she wants the sex without the burdens of commitment!!  
  
Stephanie: [she grows fangs and her nails become pointed] YOU SON OF A BITCH!!  
  
Kylrane: [restrains Stephanie] SHANNON!!! TAKE HIM OUT OF HERE!!!  
  
[Shannon runs into the office and tackles Triple H. He then gets thrown across the room by Trips.]  
  
Shannon: [crawls over to Kylrane] He's SCARY Ranie!! I can't do it!! [shakes]  
  
Kylrane: [struggling to hold on to Stephanie, who's found an envelope opener and is ready to stab Trips] Do SOMETHING, Shannon!! You're not just the front desk person, you're security, coffee maker, janitor, and other stuff!! [Stephanie breaks free of her hold] AUGHH!  
  
Stephanie: [jumps on Triple H] DIE!! [begins to claw at his face]  
  
Kylrane: DAMNIT STOP!!!!! I REFUSE TO GET SUED BECAUSE OF THIS!!! DAMNIT!!!! [takes off her shoe and throws it at Stephanie and Triple H] LISTEN TO ME YOU IMBUCILES!! [everyone stops] TRIPLE H, GET OUT!!! [random big guys 1 and 2 come and drag Triple H out of the building] STEPHANIE, GO TAKE SOME ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES!! [Kylrane's voice is beginning to squeak] I CAN'T HANDLE A PSYCHOTIC WITCH!!! [Stephanie glares, but spots random guys 3 and 4 ready to remove her, so she leaves. Kylrane's voice is raspy now.] SHANNON MOORE!! [Shannon looks up frightened.] YOU WUSS, YOU IDIOT, YOU MORON...  
  
Shannon: You're going to give me the Twist of Fate, aren't you? [gets teary]  
  
Kylrane: [opens her mouth] ... [nothing comes out] ... [Kylrane lost her voice] ... [So she goes to her laptop, clicks on a soundfile, and plays it to Shannon]  
  
Vince: YOU'RE FIRED!!!  
  
Shannon: [whimpers] I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! I'll do anything!! [gets on his hands and knees]  
  
[Kylrane plays the soundclip]  
  
Vince: YOU'RE FIRED!!!  
  
[Shannon leaves, all teary. Kylrane, still voiceless, writes something on a piece of paper. Hey, in fic land, everyone knows what you're writing, even if they're not there.]  
  
Kylrane: [on paper] DAMNIT!!!  
  
OK, that was a little off, I know, but that was the best I could offer right now. Sorry about the Shannon bashing, I think it's funny that Shannon is pretty much Matt's bitch. So I made him my bitch for the day. Mourning Viper got in there 'cause she REALLY wanted Shannon in the fic (I checked the reviews, so don't get mad if you wanted him too...). Also, I like Stephanie McMahon, but you've got to admit, when she's furious, she can be REALLY SCARY!! Remember the time she was renewing her vows with Triple H? Did you see the look on her face when he was walking up the ramp? Oooh, she looked like she was gonna bite his head off!! *shudder* Anyway, review people!!  
  
Oh wait. Go back to the beginning. Something was left unsolved. Mwahahaha! I am totally awesome, Shannon, you will NEVER EVER find out who can perform the puppy dog face effectively on me!! I'll copy it over...  
  
Shannon: [shrugs] But you'll still love me, right Ranie? [sad puppy dog face]  
  
Kylrane: [glares] Only one person can do that to me effectively, Shannon. That isn't you. [Ender perks up] Not you either, boy. [Ender whimpers]  
  
Shannon: Oh yeah? Who?  
  
Kylrane: It doesn't matter.  
  
Shannon: I swear by my stringy oily hair that I will find out the answer to that at the end of the chapter. Can I have a hint?  
  
Kylrane: [shrugs] It ain't Edge. That's all I'm saying.  
  
Hahahaha! He never found out who can effectively do that to me!! BECAUSE I AM THE ALMIGHTY KYLRANE AND I HAVE NO WEAKNESSES!!! MWAHAHAHAHAH!!! [does dance] Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!  
  
[Jeff Hardy walks in]  
  
Jeff: Can I have your giant skittles bag?  
  
Kyrlane: NO! [hugs the skittles]  
  
Jeff: [sad puppy dog face] PWEASE?  
  
Kylrane: OK! [Jeff takes the bag] Take whatever you want!! [big silly grin]  
  
Shannon: [pops out of nowhere] I KNEW IT!! [waves tape recorder and plays back the 'take whatever you want']  
  
Kyrlane: DAMNIT!!!! [chases after Shannon] PREPARE TO DIE!!!  
  
Yup. I'm a sucker for Jeff Hardy. And this time, both personalities agree. Damnit, there goes my skittles bag, gotta go back to the store! Review please!! [Jeff does the sad puppy dog face] See, you can't resist that!! REVIEW!!! 


	7. Wassupwitdadoctor?

Disclaimer: I just hate writing these disclaimers. When will I ever turn into Vince McMahon, huh??  
  
Hello people!! [waves] Um, this is Angie, Kylrane's fangirly side speaking! I don't consider myself her split personality, I'm more the result of years of repressed...girlyness. Meaning she's always the serious sensible one when her friends swoon over a hot guy. Like my Edge. [hugs Edge plushie] Anyway, she told me to do the intro for this chapter because her Romeo and Juliet paper is due Tuesday (Mar. 11) and she can't seem to find her copy of the play! So she's officially freaking out. (Kylrane: DAMNIT! Why does this shit HAPPEN to me?! [throws over a chair looking for the stupid book] I KNEW I should have looked in my desk at school, but NOO, Haxor HAD to keep asking me about the immigration essay!!!!) Yup, she's going nuts looking for that book. Her friend Romeo reminded her about it yesterday, and now she's screwed. Enjoy the chapter!!  
  
Ok, it's March 14, and I ended up getting an A+ on my paper (WHOO!), but I'm uploading this chapter again because for some reason the language was listed as Spanish when this is obviously written in English. Thank you aZrAeL for bringing that to my attention, I did not realize that until I checked it out. Also, if you leave a question in your reviews or there's something I find funny, I might answer you back through the review system. So check the reviews on this story sometimes, there may be messages from me!!  
  
[Kylrane, sitting at her desk with her laptop in front of her and Ender the puppy on her lap, is typing furiously to her friend, Romeo. They're on AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). She's Kylrane, and he's DeadSexyPimpDaddy. That is similar to his actual AIM name, but I didn't want to give it out over the internet. He's been a little egotistical since being voted "Best Smile" and "Best Personality"...]  
  
DeadSexyPimpDaddy: im telling u go on sparknotes.com  
  
Kylrane: What's sparknotes going to tell me?! It'll give me a summary that's useless to the topic I'm writing about!! Besides, going to a cheat note site is very unethical of me.  
  
DeadSexyPimpDaddy: would u stop usin big words wit me  
  
Kylrane: No. Unethical means it goes against my beliefs. No one should have to cheat to get a good grade.  
  
DeadSexyPimpDaddy: i do  
  
Kylrane: I have to go do my paper. I'll see you later.  
  
[Kylrane closes the IM window, only to recieve another message from someone else.]  
  
LittleSouthernBlonde123: may I please have my job back  
  
Kylrane: Who are you?!?!  
  
LittleSouthernBlonde123: shannon  
  
Kyrlane: HOW DID YOU GET MY .... forget it.  
  
[She closes that IM window and signs off from the internet. There's a bang on the door.]  
  
Kylrane: [looks up] Come in!!  
  
[Shannon Moore rushes in with flowers and candy.]  
  
Shannon: PLEASE, I BEG YOU, I WANT MY JOB BACK!!!  
  
Kylrane: [stares at the gifts] What's with....?  
  
Shannon: [offers them to her] Your friend...the tall boy with spiky hair....he said you're easily bribed if flowers and chocolate are in the equation. [grins]  
  
Kylrane: [frowns, and types in the computer: Memo to self- Haxor must die.] Well, I guess he was right. I am a sucker for those things. But you did a crappy job last time, why should I hire you again?  
  
Shannon: Because I'm irresistibly cute?? [does sad puppy dog face]  
  
Kylrane: Didn't you learn the last time you were here that your version does NOT work on me?! [goes back to typing her Romeo and Juliet paper]  
  
Shannon: [gets on his knees and begins to grovel] PLEASE! PLEASE!! It's so much BETTER being your bitch!! Matt's so mean!! He makes me do all sorts of stupid stuff like combing his hair and picking out his ugly pants and cutting his toenails...  
  
Kylrane: [disgusted] The guy can't cut his own toenails?!  
  
Shannon: [whimpers] He can't. You're so merciful, please....  
  
Kylrane: [sighs] This would be one of those moments when Monkey would say...  
  
Monkey: [pops in] Why do you have to be so nice?!  
  
Shannon: Shutup! Nice people are good!!  
  
Monkey: [starts dancing] Yo quiero-  
  
Kylrane: [throws some chocolate out the door] Go get it and STAY OUT! [Monkey runs. Kylrane turns to Shannon] Well, I guess you could prove yourself today, mainly because I couldn't get a replacement, but if you screw up...  
  
Shannon: [hugs Kylrane] THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I promise I won't screw up!! Who's your next client, Ranie??  
  
Kylrane: [brushes off Shannon's embrace and shudders] Never hug me again, Shannon. Unless you suddenly turn into...nevermind, just don't hug me. Only if I ask, and that'll be a long shot. [looks at her appointment book in her computer] YAY! The Hurricane is my client!! I love Shane Helms, he's the coolest!  
  
Shannon: [jealous] What makes him so cool??  
  
Kylrane: He got braces!!  
  
Panda: [Her author name is DazedPanda, if you want to know! She's a really good friend of mine who introduced me to fanfiction.net awhile ago!] BRACES UNITED!!! YEAHH!!! [puts a Braces United sticker on the wall and runs away]  
  
Kylrane: Yup! [grins] I'm a member of that group. [looks to Shannon] Please get me a cappucino, Shannon.  
  
Shannon: [salutes] Ok, Ranie! [runs downstairs]  
  
[Kylrane is whistling while writing her Romeo and Juliet paper. Yes, people getting braces makes her feel so much better. To her right (or left, it doesn't really matter, I think), the closet door bursts open. Kylrane shrieks.]  
  
Kylrane: You freakin expect me to shriek? I only do that when- [The person who popped out of the closet grabs Kylrane by the neck and holds orange hair dye over her head.] Now I will shriek. YAHHHHH!!!!  
  
Shannon: [runs in with a cappucino] Ranie, what's- AUGHHH!!!! [Matt Hardy has taken Kylrane captive!!] I'm not your bitch anymore, Matt, leave Ranie alone!!  
  
Matt Hardy: No, Shannon, not until you come back to join my cult!!! [does the Version 1 sign] Or else, she gets it...[begins to tip the cup of hair dye]  
  
Kylrane: YAHHH!! GET THE FUCK AWAY YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!! [punches Matt]  
  
Matt: You little twerp!!! You need a Mattitude adjustment!! [pours the dye over her head] Now you'll know what its like to be labeled as 'tacky'!! [Oh, if you have orange hair, I'm not saying you're tacky. But someone like me would look like a clown without the facepaint if I dyed my hair neon orange.]  
  
Shannon: NOOO!!! [tackles Matt and wrestles with him on the ground]  
  
[The Hurricane rushes into the room.]  
  
Hurricane: [sees Kylrane] What is wrong, citizen?  
  
Kylrane: [whimper whimper] M-my-my h-h-hai-hair....[she touches her hair and her hand turns orange] WAHHH!!!!  
  
Hurricane: [Looks at Shannon and Matt rolling around on the floor....that sounded a little too slashy for this fic, didn't it? Not that I hate slash, I think everyone deserves artistic freedom, but I'd like to keep this OUT of the romance category...] Which dastardly villain did this to you?  
  
Kylrane: [whimper whimper] The one with ugly pants...[gets up and runs to the bathroom and sticks her head in a sink]  
  
Hurricane: ....Ok....  
  
Shannon: Take this, you asshole!! [kicks Matt and gives him a noogie] This is for all the times you hugged me after a match!! [gives Matt a Twist of Fate]  
  
Matt: Remember, you're still my bitch!!! [gets kicked in the balls] Ok, maybe not! [his voice has turned soprano]  
  
Hurricane: Damn.  
  
Shannon: Is Ranie OK?  
  
Hurricane: She's extremely hysterical.  
  
Panda: [pops in] She's vain when it comes to her hair.  
  
Kylrane: [comes in with a towel over her head] Don't look at me.  
  
Panda: C'mon, it can't be that bad!! [lifts towel a little] AIYEEE!! [drops the towel back on Kylrane's head] Sorry.  
  
Hurricane: Can we still have the session?  
  
Kylrane: Sure. Sit there. [obviously grumpy] Shannon, dispose of that sick bastard Matt Hardy, please....  
  
Panda: You don't even want to torture him? Wow, you're losing your touch!!  
  
Kylrane: [glares] Fine, go use his hair to experiment which color you should streak yours next. Go nuts.  
  
Panda: YAY!! [lugs Matt Hardy away] Let's see, should I go blonde again, or maybe the red....  
  
Shannon: Want your cappucino?  
  
Kylrane: ....[bursts into tears] I WANT MY HAIR BACK!!!!!! [sobs]  
  
Shannon: I guess not... [goes downstairs]  
  
Hurricane: [puts on a pair of glasses over his mask] Is your hair the most important thing to you? Why is your hair such a source of vanity?  
  
Kylrane: [looks up and scowls] You ain't the damn doctor, so shut your mouth!!  
  
Hurricane: That's not a very nice answer, citizen Kylr- [sees Kylrane is fuming] Ok, you do the doctoring.  
  
Kylrane: [holds up an inkblot] Yup, I brought 'em back! What's this one look like?  
  
Hurricane: A beam coming out of the Green Lantern's ring!  
  
Kylrane: [turns the card over and looks at it] Really?? Ok...how about this one??  
  
Hurricane: Hm...Flash Gordon running.  
  
Kylrane: [looks at the card] ....  
  
Hurricane: He's a blur.  
  
Kylrane: [rolls her eyes and puts the cards away] Why are you so obsessed with these comic book heros??  
  
Hurricane: 'CAUSE THEY RULE!!! OH YEAH! Especially the Green Lantern.  
  
Kylrane: Aren't you a little too old for those things?!  
  
Hurricane: NO! Why does everyone want you to grow up so fast?? Wassupwitdat?! [poses]  
  
Kylrane: And why do you think you're a superhero? You do realize they don't exist.  
  
Hurricane: A non-believer! Quite ironic, considering you have great potential to be a crime fighting sidekick!  
  
Kylrane: [raises eyebrow] Sidekick? If I ever DO get that faraway from reality, I would NOT play second fiddle to some green haired dude who doesn't even have cool powers or gadgets.  
  
Hurricane: What! I-  
  
Austin: What?! DAMNIT, YOU TOOK MY CATCHPHRASE!! WHAT?!  
  
Kylrane: Didn't I have you taken away the last time you popped in on a 'what'?  
  
Austin: What? I said I don't have to listen to you, munchkin, what?  
  
Kylrane: [sighs] Always have people popping in and out of here...[presses the speaker button] Shannon, please have Austin taken away, the 'What's are giving me a headache...  
  
[Austin is lured out of the office by a cooler chock full of beer]  
  
Hurricane: Before I was so RUDELY [poses] interupted, I DO TOO have cool powers. [poses] I can [poses] fly!! [wooshes out of the window...and a thump is heard] Owwww....  
  
Kylrane: I thought he would attempt something like that...[looks out window] Good thing I put those safety mats out there. [The Hurricane is lying on a big blue mat like the ones they use in Hollywood]  
  
That's the end of that chapter. Now I have to go write up some more stuff. Please review, please please please, I'll love you all forever!! Whoops, I forgot about Ender the puppy during to whole chapter...I've got to leave him at home while I'm on the job... ^_^ 


	8. Hellfire, Bodypaint, and the Streaker

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda, I own absolutely everything. Yup, Vince adopted me and now I am the heir to the WWE since Shane and Stephanie were disowned....KIDDING! Gah, I hate these things. I don't own anything at all, duh! And uh...I don't own any of the song lyrics mentioned here. I don't really want to own them.  
  
I'm very very sorry about the delay in updates, my mind has been drifting...  
  
Go now and save Hearts Desire's fic. I believe I wrote a very stupid review so go make up for it (stupidity is my specialty, I apologize very much Hearts Desire!). Go now. I will hypnotize you. [swings watch] GO SAVE HER FIC! GO! GO! She's a totally cool person who always reviews this story, go save her favorite fic! It's "Adam", go review it NOW! It must be saved! And don't be a dumbass like me by reviewing before reading stuff closely. Go save it, go save it, go save it now! AHH! I'M SORRY!!  
  
Mostly written before the March 20th edition of Smackdown, but I didn't even see it anyway, due to the news. I don't regret it, though, information is power, especially me living in New York. I got the results of SD on the internet (but I DID get my Spanky/Brian Kendrick pics o_-), so YAY! He's on Smackdown now, he can finally start using a better gimmick than wearing masks and being named after local sports teams. On Velocity when SD was in New York, he was 'The Jet' (if you don't know, the New York Jets are a football team). On another Velocity (in Albany) he was 'The River Rat' (River Rats are a local team). I didn't realize it was Spanky 'till he showed as the Pittsburg Penguin. Then I knew why they all looked alike...LOL I didn't mean to write a long author's note but I guess I did! ^_^ All in all, Brian Kendrick is CUTE!  
  
Um...the world needs more humor during these times. So here we go.  
  
*****************************************  
  
[Kylrane is throwing darts from her doctor's chair. She is NOT happy. Her hair is still a bright orange. The words "Damn you Matt Hardy" are scrawled across the wall. She is assistantless, and, well, if you saw March 18th's Raw (and I know some like aZrAeL may not have seen it), you'd know why she's so damn pissy. Even if you didn't see it, you'll know soon enough.]  
  
Kylrane: [hurls dart] DIE YOU SLUT!!! [The dart pierces Trish Stratus' eye. Yeah.] SOMEONE GET ME MORE DARTS!!! [crickets chirp] I forgot I haven't got anyone to boss around...whoops. [goes and gets her own darts] I NEED AN ASSISTANT!!  
  
[Brian Kendrick runs in. You know, Spanky. Or "The Pittsburg Penguin". But let's stick with Spanky, if you don't mind.]  
  
Spanky: Hey, I'll do ANYTHING to get a job. ANYTHING! I'll buy you beer! You want beer? [pulls out a pack of beer] I'll open it for you, here...[Kylrane shakes her head] How about I be your assistant?  
  
Kylrane: [stares] I thought you'd do anything to get a job on SMACKDOWN. Obviously, I am not Stephanie McMahon. [looks over Spanky] Are you intoxicated??  
  
Spanky: What makes you think that, hun? [starts to walk forward but trips] Whoops, my bad. [gets up] I'm just not getting enough pay for all my work there, so I want to make more money here. I'll streak around the office in my Nike Shox if you want me to prove my desperation! [begins to remove sweater]  
  
Kylrane: WH-OA!! STOP! You don't need to run around naked!! I'll give you the job! [immediately regrets not seeing Spanky shirtless]  
  
Spanky: [surprised] You'll give me the job? [Kylrane nods] Oh, thank you SO much!! [hugs her] YEAH! I'm THAT MUCH CLOSER to achieving my dream! [stares] Why is your hair orange?? [ruffles hair]  
  
Kylrane: Don't you DARE touch my hair!! [pushes him away] I would prefer to FORGET about Matt Hardy and his evil deed!! [searches for a hat]  
  
Spanky: [trying to justify himself] Its...just that....you...look lovely! Pretty girl like yourself looks good in orange! [sees Kylrane's glare] Boss? Am I making you mad? [Kylrane nods] Well, anything I can do for you? Rub your shoulders? Make you a martini? Play chess with you?  
  
Kylrane: [frowns] Go make me some tea.  
  
Spanky: [salutes] Aye, aye, cap'n! [Spanky heads for the door.]  
  
Spanky: Why are there darts all over Trish Stratus' face? She's totally hot! Holes in her head bring down her babe points, you know? Would you want to pick up a chick in a bar if she's been used as a dartboard?  
  
Kylrane: I don't know, I haven't TRIED picking up chicks in a bar. [throws a dart] DAMNIT! MISS! [She goes over and picks up the fallen dart. Staring at Trish for a moment, she takes the dart and begins to stab the diva's eyes out. Yeah, she's a little psychotic on bad days.] DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!  
  
Spanky: Whoa. Anger management, little lady...[takes hold of Kylrane's arms] Don't play with sharp objects...It's not safe... [takes the darts] Hey, look, I wonder if I can make myself bleed!! [starts to poke himself with the darts]  
  
Kylrane: [Grabbing at darts] Gimme my darts...gimme gimme...you total idiot, give me my darts!! [someone buzzes at the front door] Go get that, it's probably the next appointment!!  
  
Spanky: OK! [begins to walk out]  
  
Kylrane: WAIT! [sighs] Change your pants first, you look absolutely ridiculous in that yellow floral number you're trying to pull.  
  
Spanky: Sure, boss, whatever you want! [begins to change]  
  
Kylrane: IN THE CLOSET, NOT IN FRONT OF ME!! [opens a closet door] Wear normal pants in the office, please, you're almost as bad as Jericho...[thinks] Ok, maybe not THAT bad...  
  
[Spanky goes into the closet and changes into normal pants. The door is still buzzing. Kylrane looks to the closet, sighs, and presses a button on her desk. A monitor comes up. It's view is above the outside door.]  
  
Kylrane: [she zooms in] Whoa. Kane. [presses another button] Kane! Spanky will bring you up in a moment. Sorry for the delay.  
  
[Kane looks around, surprised by the voice.]  
  
Kylrane: The speaker is to your left, by your elbow.  
  
[Kane finds it and nods. Spanky bursts out of the closet, now in jeans.]  
  
Spanky: Do I look good? [does dance]  
  
Kylrane: [ogles] Er...get the door. [Spanky skips out of the door.] The guy's a total cutie, but I hope Kane chokeslams the shit out of him. [rubs forehead] What the hell is with that idiot...it's like he's dying for attention, or one of those fraternity pledges that have to be the frat brother's bitches! [Well, this is what I draw from the MTV series "Fraternity Life"...don't know if that's true, I don't have the "qualifications", like being a male, to be in a fraternity...] Must be hyper or something.  
  
[Kane and Spanky walk in the door. Kane's theme music is playing in the background. The Big Red Machine looks over Kylrane, and then looks at the dart covered picture of Trish Stratus.]  
  
Kane: You're a Jeff Hardy fan, huh?  
  
Kylrane: [scowls] HE KISSED A SLUT!! I HATE HER!! HATE HER!! HATE HER!!!!!! [jumps out of her chair and begins to puncture the picture] DIEEEE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Spanky: Now, boss, remember what I said! Um...what'd I say again??? [Kylrane is now clawing at the picture] Whoa, that's kind of creepy...[looks at Kane] What should I do?  
  
Kylrane: [stabs Trish's eye with a dart] YOU EVIL DEMON! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Kane picks her up and puts her in her chair] Want...kill...slut...  
  
Spanky: Can I have her body after you kill her? [gets strange looks] Who says you can't have fun with a dead hot chick? [even stranger looks]  
  
Kylrane: [takes deep breaths] Spanky, please go and make me some tea. Raspberry, please. The purple box. Now.  
  
Spanky: Didn't I do that already?  
  
Kylrane: No.  
  
Spanky: Did you jitterbug into my brain?  
  
Kylrane: [stares] ....  
  
Spanky: It goes a bang-bang-bang till my feet do the same!  
  
Kane: Isn't that a Wham! song?  
  
Kylrane: I don't want to ask...  
  
[The door buzzes]  
  
Kylrane: [stares] Who could that be? I don't usually take two patients in one day. Spanky, could you please get that...and BRING ME TEA WHILE YOU'RE AT IT?  
  
Spanky: Ok. 'Cause you're my lady and I'm your fool, it makes me crazy when you act so cruel! [jitterbugs down the stairs]  
  
Kane: That was DEFINITELY "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go". [gets a weird look] Just because I have a mask doesn't mean I'm a social dumbass.  
  
Kylrane: You consider "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" a big influence on society?? [shakes head] No wonder you need mental help...  
  
Spanky: [waltzes in and points to Kylrane] You put the boom-boom into my heart!  
  
Kane: That's still "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go".  
  
Kylrane: Give me a few more moments of believing all of this is true. Please. [looks adoringly at Spanky] Do I really put the boom-boom into your heart?  
  
Spanky: [totally ignores the question] If I give you five dollars will you dance with me?  
  
Kylrane: Twenty.  
  
Spanky: TWENTY?! Are you nuts?!  
  
Kylrane: [annoyed] Who the hell was at the door, Spanky?  
  
Spanky: [trying to earn an extra buck] How about five bucks for a kiss?  
  
Kylrane: You'd pay me, right? Don't you think I'm worth more than five bucks?  
  
Spanky: [sad] All I have is five bucks, and I'm feeling lonely.  
  
Kylrane: [incredibly pissed] WHO WAS AT THE DOOR?!  
  
Spanky: Calm down, Spankadette, he's using the bathroom! [scratches head] How about five bucks for a hug?  
  
Kane: You're desperate, aren't you boy?  
  
Kylrane: What the hell do you mean by that?! [to Spanky] Yes, you may hug me. But I want my five dollars first. [he gives her five bucks and proceeds to hug her]  
  
Kane: I didn't think you'd be so easily sold to the boy. Then again, she could be a fangirl underneath it all.  
  
Kylrane: I am NOT a fangirl! [trying to push Spanky off] Hello...like, let go now. Please. Let go. I'm telling you. Let go. DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?!  
  
Spanky: [look, another song lyric] You take the grey skies out of my way! You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day. [gets shoved off]  
  
Jeff Hardy: Get a room. [looks at the Trish Stratus dartboard thing] Whoa.  
  
Kylrane: Eeeeiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! [picks up a dart and tries to throw it at Jeff Hardy] YOU!!! [gets hugged again by Spanky and is restrained] LET GO OF ME!! LET ME KILL HIM!!! I WANT TO KILL HIM!!!!!!!! [to Spanky] YOU OWE ME FIVE MORE DOLLARS!!!!!  
  
Jeff: [sad puppy dog face] Do you really want to hurt me?  
  
Kane: That's not Wham!, that's Culture Club. You know, Boy George? [sighs] I think I'll just shutup now, since I'm now a freak whom everyone thinks has really bad taste in music...  
  
Spanky: [still holding onto Kylrane] Little bossy jitterbug lady, violence is NOT the answer! Can't you feel the love in the air? Plus I think Vince McMahon wouldn't be happy if you hurt the glow in the dark rainbow teenybopper god Jeff Hardy.  
  
Kylrane: [struggling] LET ME GO!! [is released] YOU!! [scrambles after Jeff and starts choking him] WHY?! WHY?! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!?  
  
Spanky: Why is boss so upset? I mean, I HUGGED HER!  
  
Kane: Hardy boy kissed Trish Stratus. And she's a bit of a fangirl.  
  
Jeff: [dreamy smile] Yeah...[gets hit by Kylrane] OW!! Why the hell are you so pissed, then?!  
  
Kylrane: 'Cause she got you and now you got diseases!! [chokes him more] I hate you now!! YOU KISSED TRASH SLUTUS!! [choke choke] I should make you eat dirt!! [to Kane] I AM NOT A FANGIRL!!  
  
Spanky: [a little weirded out] Jeff's changing colors...and I don't think it's his face paint.  
  
Kylrane: DAMN RIGHT IT AIN'T HIS FACE PAINT!!!  
  
Kane: I think you should separate them, boy. Now.  
  
Spanky: Why me?  
  
Kane: You're her assistant-bitch-slave. Besides, I think it's funny.  
  
Jeff: [gasping for air] A little help here, guys. [Spanky tugs Kylrane off of Jeff] Thanks, man. [to Kylrane] You were a totally cool chick, what the fuck happened? Now you're trying to murder me?!  
  
Kylrane: Are you an absolute idiot?! Running down the ramp to fight, that's ok. Kissing her?! NOT OK WITH ME!! AND YOU TOOK MY SKITTLES!!! [slowly begins to calm down] ANYWAY...what are you doing here?  
  
Jeff: [rolls eyes and runs his hands through his hair] To have a therapy session with a shrink who's a psycho herself!  
  
Kylrane: [grows fangs] WATCH YOUR MOUTH HARDY BOY OR YOU'LL FIND THAT YOU CAN'T BOP AROUND ON THE STAGE SINCE YOU'LL FIND MORE THAN THE ROCK'S BOOT STUCK STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS!! [points to her one volume copy of The Lord of The Rings] YOU'LL SEE THIS TOO!! [her nails have turned into claws] GOT IT?! [breathing heavily]  
  
Jeff: [meekly] Yes Ma'am. [shrinks away]  
  
Kylrane: [sighs] Why is it that I have two patients scheduled for the same time slot....? Ooh, I swear if Starlight had been lurking through my papers trying to find my math homework and screwed up the schedule, she's gonna die. [is composing herself] ...Or maybe it was Panda, she's trying to get back at me for all those 'David' jokes...[chuckles] Ah, it was Shannon!! [his handwriting is in the appointment book, and it says 2:00 PM - Kane 2:00 PM- Jeff Hardy] Damn that dumbass...[puts head in hands] Why must the job be so stressful?  
  
Kane: Ok, I've been sitting here for nearly a half hour and doing next to nothing. When the hell can we do the psychology crap I came here for?  
  
Jeff: Yeah! When are you going to constantly tell me I'm 'conflicted and complex'?  
  
Kylrane: I'm not JR, damnit!! [slams hand down] Spanky, I WANT MY TEA! I ASKED YOU FOUR TIMES ALREADY AND YOU'VE IGNORED ME!!! TEA, NOW, DAMNIT, NOW!!!  
  
Spanky: If I bring you tea, then will you let me kiss you? [gets a dart thrown at him] Ok, ok, no kiss!! [runs out]  
  
Kane: Why is he wearing a Hawaiian shirt?  
  
Kylrane: Oh yeah, nearly forgot about that. Well, we'll leave the Hawaiian shirt, I personally think it's cute. [gets weird looks from Kane and Jeff] May I remind you I AM a female?? Damn, even my friends look at me funny if I think a guy's cute, and they're my FRIENDS. [sighs] Ok, let's begin with you Kane.  
  
Kane: I'm a freak. I accept it. Ok, now Jeff's turn.  
  
Jeff: [was dozing off] ...Huh? [looks around] Oh. Why is your hair like that? [Kylrane turns red] It's been dyed improperly, the orange looks like it's been wiped off while still in your hair.  
  
Kylrane: That idiot brother of yours came in and tried to give me a dose of Mattitude...by making me look tacky. [rubs hair] It won't come out. I hate it. Haxor keeps calling me carrot top. [sad] WHY DOES LIFE HATE ME?! [finds a hat and puts it on]  
  
Kane: So you're a freak too. Accept it. [gets glared at] Seriously, I mean it! Everyone made fun of me 'cause of my mask, but you know what? Freaks are COOL! I've got a whole legion of Kananites out there, what makes you think you can't have Kylranenanties?  
  
Jeff: She's not a wrestler with superhuman strength. [Kane hits him] OWW!!! DAMNIT!!!  
  
Kane: Fine, how the hell would you solve her problem? Kiss her like you did Trish?  
  
Kylrane: Don't remind me about that...  
  
Spanky: [pops in with the tea] Who's getting kissed? Who's getting kissed? I wanna be kissed!!  
  
Jeff: No one's gonna kiss you, man. So shut the shit.  
  
Kylrane: Don't talk to him like that!! [takes the tea] Thank you, Spanky. [to Jeff] Leave Spanky alone, he's currently ahead of YOU on my favorite people list.  
  
Spanky: Really?? [jumps] Yeah!!  
  
Jeff: Why the hell is that?!  
  
Kylrane: Spanky's not a carrier of diseases. And he brought me tea.  
  
Kane: [rolls eyes] When is this love...er, hate fest going to end??  
  
Kylrane and Jeff: When we damn well feel like it!!  
  
Spanky: Hate? Who hates me? [sad face]  
  
Jeff: I do! Your shirt is ugly.  
  
Spanky: Your face is ugly.  
  
Jeff: Your name is stupid.  
  
Spanky: Your band is stupid.  
  
Jeff: You wear pink tights.  
  
Spanky: You wear dumb boots.  
  
Jeff: You're Kylrane's bitch.  
  
Spanky: At least when I work I do something productive. [grins]  
  
Jeff: [is stumped] .... [starts to cry] It's not my fault I'm being wasted on Raw!!  
  
Kane: Wow. Blondie boy hit a soft spot.  
  
Kylrane: Good job, Spanky!! [Jeff gives her a sad face] Oh NO, you are NOT about to make me feel guilty!! [sips tea] Ahh, I'm calming down. Now Jeff, why do you feel like you're being wasted?  
  
Jeff: [sniff sniff] I get put in stupid matches, I always lose, I don't even get to hook up with girls, and I WANT A TITLE SHOT!!!  
  
Kylrane: What have you done to deserve a title shot recently, Jeff? You've run down to interfere in matches and half of the time you get your ass handed to you! Kane, for example, has a pretty good track record for his wins and wrestled for a REALLY long time. But when was the last time he got a title shot? He's not whining like you.  
  
Kane: Actually, I whine in private, but since I'm the big red machine, I keep my emotions bottled up. [sees Kylrane's look] I wasn't supposed to mention that, was I? [shrugs] It's not like Hardy's gonna STOP complaining.  
  
Jeff: [pouts] That's not nice.  
  
Kylrane: But he's got a point.  
  
Jeff: How come if I insult Spanky, you defend him, but if I get insulted, you make it worse??  
  
Kylrane: Spanky's actually on my good side. You're not.  
  
Spanky: Yeah! In your FACE!! [proceeds to get his ass whupped by Jeff]  
  
Kane: [watching in amusement] Are you gonna stop them? That's your boy getting beat.  
  
Kylrane: [eating popcorn and sipping her tea] I think this is funny, actually. [holds out the popcorn] Want some? [Kane takes some]  
  
[Jeff has beat Spanky to the floor. He prepares to do a Swanton Bomb off of the desk, but Kylrane pushes him off.]  
  
Kylrane: I've always wanted to do that!! [looks down] Sowwy, Jeffy.  
  
[Spanky crawls over to the fallen Hardy and pulls him up. He gave Jeff a neckbreaker, and Kylrane began to worry. Kane, however, is cheering for more.]  
  
Kane: Chokeslam!! Try a chokeslam!!  
  
[Spanky attempts a chokeslam on Jeff, but Hardy kicks him in the stomach and pulls a Twist of Fate on Spanky.]  
  
Jeff: Take that, you rookie. [turns to Kylrane] Look, maybe I have issues, but you should solve your own before trying to fix mine.  
  
Kylrane: Go make out with your little whore.  
  
Jeff: Fine!! I will!! And I'll ENJOY IT TOO!! [runs as a dart is thrown at him]  
  
Kane: [hands her back the popcorn bag] I should get going too. I have to raise some hellfire and brimstone. Scare some people. Turn my head silently. Sign autographs. That sort of thing. You understand, right?  
  
Kylrane: Yeah, I'm cool with you, Kane. Apparently, so is she. [opens closet door]  
  
Death Scribe: [pops out] It's my fire kitty!! [glomps Kane]  
  
Kane: [thumbs up] See? Freaks are COOL.  
  
Kylrane: [thinks] Hold on...if I let you stay in the closet all this time, did you see Spanky when he was changing??  
  
Death Scribe: [shakes head] Nope, I closed my eyes.  
  
Kylrane: Oh. Ok, you're free to go.  
  
[Death Scribe, still attatched to Kane, and the Big Red Machine leave. Spanky is still on the floor. Kylrane sighs and begins to try and wake him up.]  
  
Ok, a really demented chapter has been written. But I tried to make it longer than usual!! Yeah, I was a little *ahem* tweaked that Jeff kissed Trish on Raw, but now I don't give a fuck. Spanky's on Smackdown!!! That makes me happy. My interpretation of Spanky was based on a quote that I got from some article that said something like "Spanky is how I would act like if I was drunk", and his website (I believe it's www.spankyandfriends.com). I took stuff from the poll (If I gave you five dollars would you let me kiss you on the lips?) and his "commentaries" (that's where Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go came in...). So Spanky here was a drunken idiot. But a CUTE drunken idiot.  
  
Also, I hadn't done any author cameos in a while so I figured I'd let Death Scribe in on the fun since she wanted a session with Kane, although this wasn't a very good session. The fire kitty comment came from her own author bio. Uhm...what else? [Spanky groans in pain in the background] Oh yeah. Poor Spanky's not feeling good, so I need another assistant for the next chapter. I will send emails to the first five reviewers I get for this chapter who want to be my assistant (they can write a little note or something saying they do). The first to respond to an email gets to be my assistant!! So, if you want to get the chance to be my assistant, leave your email adress in your review. GET REVIEWING!!!! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!! I think I'll have a different assistant each chapter...so you'll get the chance to appear here eventually. C'mon, let's try and make at least 75 reviews by the tenth chapter! Spanky says he loves you...and can he have his five dollars now? :P 


	9. Imposters, Brawls, Surprise Visits, and ...

****

Disclaimer: *sigh* Vince hasn't been answering any of my calls. Damnit, no matter how much I do to try and bribe him, I still don't own the WWE. Not even a little percentage. [shakes fist] I'll get you soon enough, McMahon, wait and see!! And um...I don't own any authors mentioned in the fic....well, except for myself. So let's begin, shall we?

Heya dudes. Oh no I'm sounding like RVD...anyway, here's the next chappie, hope you guys enjoy it! Sorry for the delay in updating....couldn't really write this chapter. It was a little difficult. 

Did anyone see that "World Update" or whatever the hell that promo was titled on April 7th's Raw? ALMIGHTY GOD...I have seen a piece of heaven and damn is it fine! I'm talking about Rene Dupree (the guy on the right). I think they showed another promo on Smackdown as well, but I missed the first part of Smackdown due to stupid me not changing the computer clock after Daylight Savings Time. DAMNIT!! I read the results via the internet anyway...damn Torrie Wilson, she's not good enough to team with Spanky (Brian Kendrick)!!! When the fuck is he going to get up his gimmick?! And a little reminder to everyone...someone's birthday is on April 27!! [waves a sign that says 'That would be me!'] 

*****************************************************************************

[Kylrane and her freshly hired assistant, Azrael, are sitting in the office having a break (as if they do any REAL work...LOL). Azrael has a coke can (not the drug!) in her hand while Kylrane is taking sips from a mug of tea (yeah I like tea in MUGS not cups). Spanky is sitting on the floor with a face that says "I feel unloved".]

Spanky: I feel unloved. [to Kylrane] I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT ANOTHER ASSISTANT!!

Kylrane: [frowns] I need an assistant who's COMPETENT, Spanky. 

Azrael: [smiles] Yup. That would be me. [sees Spanky's fallen face] Come on, Spanky, you're already on the Smackdown roster "officially", why do you want an extra job? [sips coke]

Spanky: [thinks] Because....[his face brightens] Because I enjoy working for such a sweet and charming psychiatrist!

Kylrane: Aww....see, you would've got me there, but Stephanie McMahon got flowers and I didn't, so shut the shit. 

Spanky: [sad] If I hug you...

Azrael: I'll gladly hug you, Spanky. [hugs Spanky] By the way, why the need to suck up to the boss? You still have a job here.

Spanky: I do??

Kylrane: [sighs] You're a slow drunk, aren't you? [Spanky looks sad again]

Azrael: She didn't mean that...ok, she did, and she does have a point, but look on the bright side of things - you still have your job here, and that's what you really want.

Kylrane: Yeah, unlike someone else I know...

[Shannon Moore bursts into the room, sees Spanky, and begins to cry.]

Shannon: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT ANOTHER ASSISTANT!!!

Azrael: Isn't that the exact same thing that Spanky said beforehand?

Kylrane: Yeah. [sips tea] Oh wait, Shannon said it with more passion, hence the extra exclamation point.

Azrael: Ah, yes, I see.

Shannon: [sad face] I thought you loved me, Ranie.

Spanky: [sticks out his tongue] Not only did I whup your Mattitude loving ass, Kylrane loves ME now. So there. 

Azrael: When did they become so juvenile while fighting over you? And to add to that, why are these two fighting over YOU? 

Kylrane: [grins] I'm a hot commodity! Everyone wants me!

Azrael: [frowns] Now you're beginning to sound like that egomaniac Jericho.

[Chris Jericho proceeds to pop out of the closet. What the hell?! Now it's WRESTLERS hiding in my storage closet?!] 

Jericho: I heard that, Israel, I am NOT an egomaniac. How can you say that the HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT has a big ego?! It's not bragging if you can back it up, junior. And I can DEFINITELY back it up! Look at me! I'm sexy, I'm smart, I'm who ALL the ladies want....

Kylrane: Can't we get some security in here?! I don't need Mr. 'I-wear-hideously-ugly-clothing-and-look-like-a-goat-with-my-beard' up in my workplace!! Damnit! Do I go to Raw and interrupt you in the middle of one of your promos?! NO! 

Jericho: And even if you did, I'd whup your ass.

Kylrane: Would not.

Jericho: Would too.

Kylrane: Would not.

Jericho: Would too.

Kylrane: Would not!

Jericho: Would -

Azrael: SHUTUP!! [whacks Jericho over the head with a steel chair] I've always wanted to do that.

Kylrane: Whack him over the head with a steel chair?

Azrael: No, telling him to shut up. Of course whacking him over the head with a steel chair!! 

Shannon and Spanky: ...... 

Shannon: Before we were so RUDELY interrupted...

Spanky: You suck Shannon. 

Shannon: I do not! 

Spanky: Do too! You're an MFer. What the fuck does that mean?! Matt fucker?! 

[Kylrane and Azrael have this expression of 'what the fuck did he just say'.]

Spanky: I take it back. MFer must mean Massive Failure-er!!

Shannon: It does NOT!! You're so lame you had to sleep with Stephanie McMahon to get a job!! 

Spanky: Did not! [gets a dreamy look] I wouldn't mind if I did though... [Kylrane and Azrael give Spanky glares] And even if I did - which I did NOT - at least I don't have a chick's name!

Shannon: Shutup!! My name is not girly, don't diss the name, ok?! I'm no stupid drunken bastard that wears masks! I have a legion of Mooreons that look up to me, damnit! 

Spanky: I do more than monitor Matt Hardy's yam and lobster sauce consumption, ok Shanny-bitch?

[Shannon tackles Spanky. Azrael is rooting for Spanky while Kylrane just sits there, looking at her watch.]

Kylrane: 5...4...3...2...1....

[Jeff Hardy then comes into the office as well and begins to beat up on Spanky. Why? We don't know. How did Kylrane know the exact timing of his arrival?? *shrugs* There's a camera outside!] 

Azrael: [picks up the steel chair] Can I....?

Kylrane: Go ahead. Get him for that OTHER kiss that happened on Raw...[April 7...I guess I forgot about it when Rene's commercial came on... ^_^]

Azrael: Sweet. [begins to aim the chair]

Kylrane: WAIT!!! [beans Jeff in the head with a paperweight] Ok, go on.

[Azrael proceeds to whack Jeff in the head with the steel chair.] 

Azrael: That's for not getting to pummel you at WrestleMania!! [That has to do with my other fic, "Until Daddy Comes Back"....] I'll beat some enthusiasm into you...wanting to be in a rock band rather than a wrestler...[continues to grumble as she kicks Jeff]

[Ten minutes pass and Azrael's still beating up Jeff.]

Kylrane: Uhm...I think that's good now. [sweat drops appear on her forehead] Please don't let me get sued, please don't let me get sued...

[Shannon and Spanky are still going at it on the floor...holy shit that was a slashy line!! I take that back! The two Smackdown superstars are still beating the shit out of each other.]

Shannon: When [punch] will [punch] you [punch] ever [punch] learn [punch] that [punch] you [punch] can't [punch] defeat [punch] Mattitude? [punch...was that confusing enough for you?]

Kylrane: You went back to Matt Hardy after you kicked his ass in my office?!

Shannon: I need guidance, I admit it.

Azrael: It's incredibly sad that Shannon Moore can't think for himself. Then again, months of doing the Matt Hardy Version 1 sign could have side effects...

Shannon: HEY! I drive him around and I serve him his meals too, you know! 

Spanky: See? I told you he's a whipped little bitch! GAH! [gets tackled]

Azrael: Shannon plays the subservient role to Matt Hardy...somewhat like in the fashion of Steven Richards and Victoria, wouldn't you say so?

Kylrane: [shudders] I hope Matt and Shannon don't have a sadism-like relationship...or something. All I know is Shannon doesn't sport those gaudy bright pink tights Steven Richards does...

Azrael: [checks watch] Your appointment should have come by now...I think it's a group session.

Kylrane: You THINK?? Did you take a count of how many patients there will be?

Azrael: Maybe...eh...three or four people? Or maybe five...

Kylrane: [to the sky] WHY?? [back to Azrael] What were you DOING while taking calls?!

Azrael: Well, that assclown Jericho kept calling in to annoy me since I have him conveniently blocked from my radio show. Something about how I was a conniving, manipulative, sadistic bitch. And I replied about how that very description fits him too. [chuckles] And then Pyper found out Jericho was contacting me and wanted to locate him, so...it's a very long story.

Kylrane: [rolls her eyes] There's this strange feeling that makes be believe there was more keeping you preoccupied.

[Zoom to Azrael's desk in the lobby, which is full of pictures of Rene Dupree. It also has the words 'Die Jericho Die' scrawled all over it.]

Azrael: Nope! That's about it.

Kylrane: [sighs] Do you at least know who will be coming?

Azrael: If I knew exactly who was coming, I'd be able to count and give you an exact number. I can't give you an exact number.

Kylrane: .... 

Azrael: I recognized the voice of Matt Hardy making the appointment, but that's it. There should be more coming along with him.

Kylrane: Matt Hardy?! [glances at the wall which has the words 'Damn you Matt Hardy' scrawled on it] That dumb bastard...

Azrael: That whole orange hair incident??

Kylrane: OBVIOUSLY!! [points to her hair] The shit wouldn't come out!! I had to dye my hair black again!! Right now a spot in my bathroom is totally black due to an accident while testing out the hair dye.

[Suddenly, a guy, about the age of seventeen, pops out of the closet. He looked around and spotted Kylrane.]

Guy from closet: Kylrane!! I'm here to defend Matt Hardy's honor!!

Azrael: Who the fuck are you?! 

Guy: Don't you recognize me? [strokes his chin, only to find that a beard similar to Jericho's seems to be attatched to it] Oh yeah, I'll rip this shit off. [pulls off his beard] I'm Mike Baldo, otherwise known as Insaneiac! [waves a banner around that says 'Go read my fic "WWE MANAGEMENT MAYHEM"!!!'] 

Kylrane: Oh yeah!! Didn't know who the hell you were with that load of shit on your chin. What the fuck do you mean you're here to defend Matt Hardy's honor?! 

Insaneiac: It wasn't Matt Hardy at all who had dyed your hair orange!! It was Billy Kidman dressed as Matt Hardy!!

Azrael: [bewildered] Billy Kidman. Billy Kidman came in dressed as Matt Hardy. 

Insaneiac: It's so obvious!! Matt would have dyed Kylrane's hair PINK or something. Here, I'll show you the video tape. 

[Insaneiac proceeds to put a DVD into Kylrane's laptop. A video begins to show, with Billy Kidman walking down to the street towards the office, dressed similarly to Matt Hardy. He looks around cautiously before pulling on a mask and wig. Billy Kidman looks EXACTLY like Matt Hardy. Billy walks into the office and goes up the stairs with a cup of orange hair dye.]

Insaneiac: SEE?? I told you!

Kylrane: Why would Billy Kidman come in as Matt Hardy and demand that Shannon Moore become and MFer again? 

Insaneiac: Because he's jealous of the Mattitude and Mattributes Matt Hardy so obviously has!! 

Azrael: We can go ahead and ask Matt right now, he's in front of the door. 

[Matt Hardy's music magically cues, and he enters the office, doing his Version 1 hand thingy. Paul Heyman, A-Train, Big Show, and Team Angle also try to enter.]

Azrael: AHHHH!!! GET AWAY!!! 

[Kylrane pulls a lever by her desk and Paul Heyman, A-Train, and Big Show fall through the floor.]

Shelton Benjamin: I think I'll just leave now.

Charlie Haas: Yeah, me too. What about you, Captain?

Kurt: I want milk. Let's leave. [Team Angle leaves, carefully stepping over the hole in the floor]

Matt Hardy: [visibly upset] DAMNIT!! THIS WAS GOING TO BE A GATHERING OF THE 'WE HATE BROCK LESNAR' CLUB!!! 

Shannon: [slowly gets up] It's OK, Matt, I'm still here...

Spanky: [lying on the floor in pain] Little bitch...

Matt: You are weak Shannon. I have a new MFer now! His name is INSANEIAC!! 

Azrael: So that's why he was so eager to defend Matt Hardy. 

Kylrane: [shrug] Oh well. We have two headcases. 

Matt: [to Kylrane and Azrael] Should Insaneiac and I stay for this unnecessary therapy session because we're going to leave now.

Kylrane: [irate] THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT?!

Matt: I never scheduled an appointment. I came here to clear my name. Matt Hardy Version 1 was not present when you, Kylrane, had a cup of orange hair dye poured on your head. Billy Kidman is jealous of my Mattitude and Mattributes, so he tried to lessen my amount of fans by terrorizing random people.

Kylrane: Well damnit did he have to attack ME?!

Matt: I don't know why. Come, Insaneiac, might as well bring Shannon along too... [begins to walk away]

Insaneiac: [spots Jeff Hardy] JEFF!! [shakes for a moment as the fangirl side of him takes over] JEFFY-POO!! [glomps Jeff] Matt, can we take him home?!?!?!

Azrael: He definitely should be seeing you on a regular basis.

Kylrane: Yeah. 

Matt: Ok, you can take Jeff, now let's go. [they leave and are chased after by a couple of Shannon Moore fans, namely Hearts Desire and Mourning Viper]

Kylrane: I've been wondering...if Matt never scheduled the appointment, who did??

Azrael: How the fuck should I know?

Kylrane: [stares] .... You were ANSWERING the calls.

Azrael: Oh yeah. I have been preoccupied, huh? I bet you it was Billy Kidman!!

Kylrane: Oh, come on! 

[At a phone booth somewhere, Billy Kidman is cackling like a maniac and saying how he REALLY got Matt this time....]

Kylrane: Due to slacking off on the job, I'm afraid I'm going to have to fire you, Azrael.

Azrael: Hey, that's cool, I've got a French Canadian hottie by the name of Rene Dupree to hunt down! 

Spanky: Does that mean I'm your only assistant now, Kylrane?

Kylrane: No, I'm firing you too. You're completely adorable but you're an idiot. 

Spanky: DAMNIT!! 

[Azrael gives Spanky a hug before leaving the office. Kylrane then proceeds to push Spanky out of the office and sits back in her chair.]

*****************************************************************************

Gaahh I hated writing this chapter, the words wouldn't flow. Probably due to my allergies. It was written over a span of TWO WEEKS!! AHH!! I apologize, everyone. Oh yeah, for the next chapter, just the first person to review will be my assistant. Please leave your email address so I can ask you some questions. Azrael doesn't count since she's already been my assistant. I tried to portray you as best I could, Azrael, but I have to admit, this wasn't my best work. Sorry. Special thanks to her and to Insaneiac, who provided me with the Billy framed Matt angle. Sorry if you're a Billy Kidman fan. Go check out our joint fic, "Under New Management", pretty please. And remember, REVIEW!! I'm on Easter vacation so I hope I can get another chapter in next week. Until then, so long!


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